Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Elle est noir mais elle déteste les Noirs

LOL ok so I said I wouldn't blog again but somewhere in between me doing my coursework which by the way is due on Fri, I just happend to come across this video and I thought I'd share it.

Last night after 6hrs of courseworking I watched Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing, so many people had been saying how good the movie was and bladiblah plus I'm starting to get into all these kind of movies - City of God was great by the way even if I was scared shitless lol...you should really watch it.
So yes I was really annoyed yesterday after I watched Do the Right Thing because of the bit where the police strangle Radio Raheem, I was sooo soooo soooooooooo mad like WTF!!! did they have to do that??? arrghh but thats another story for another day....so today as usual whenever I sit infront of the comp to do my coursework I always get bored and start doing totally unrelated things lol, so today I found this video from the Montel Williams show, that little Grand Finale thing that he did last year and I wouldn't say I'm angry, I'm just disgusted.

Ok so the quality of the vid is not that great, but don't blame me lol, I've been searching for a proper one to show you but can't find any.

Watch it and see how deranged some people are, I mean this girl is a complete retard like I don't care if she's messed up in the head or anything if thats the reason for being ashamed of her God given right to be black, what got me however is her saying Martin Luther King didn't do nothing for her, Rosa Parks didn't do nothing for her, is she mad???? I'm convinced without a reason of a doubt she's just an idiot and I feel sorry for, you know what scratch that, I don't feel sorry for that mofo racist land fill waste, but being racist to your own people, hating your own skin now thats a new one, and like bossip say's Jesus Take the Wheel

Monday, 27 April 2009

*****Nearly There....

So guys I'm nearly there>>at the end of my journey of self re-discovery. Basically I haven't been myself lately and I feel I've lost the essence of my life somewhere in between my highly disorganised life. But right now I'm enjoying this journey I'm learning so much about myself and other interesting things which are truly inspiring.

But I don't think I will be able to blog much over the next month, I have exams you see my A2 exams so im pretty freaked out and stressed out at the moment, I didn't know a levels where this hard, the not so smart people who came up with them need to have their heads re-examined a total bunch of idiots I tell you making my life a whole lot harder with all the other bs I deal with, by simply being a teenager.

So yes I will be off blogger for a while >> till June and hopefully when I come back you will have me and my new re-defined blog.

**Yes my blog is also taking a rain check you see lol, I'm not going to only post random/meaningless tidbits anymore. Strictly things that are meaningful to me because I've decided that only meaningful things have a place in my life, and maybe a bit of randomness lol as I am very random.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

The 4 Re's

So I'm sitting here at my table, thinking about the mountain of work I have to do before I can even start revision but I cant seem to concentrate because I have zero motivation. Of late it like my life has been on a rollercoaster ride and I hate rollercoasters, I like things to be smooth with the occassional bump. I dont mind that. But when things are moving to fast and are constatly changing I know its time to have a rain check because I become very uncomfortable.

I spent almost two hours today thinking about my life, what I'd accomplished. what I had failed at. what I still wanted to do but hadn't done, what was missing. what had hurt me. what I wanted. what I needed.

Through reflecting I sort of figured somethings out about my self
I love life...I try to live it but sometimes I'm too scared of the unknown to go into it
I enjoy being safe sometimes too safe
I love procastination we are best friends
I am too trusting of people
..and some other things

So now I need to re-evaluate what it is that is important to me, and as simple as it sounds, Im scared because this means I am reaching the stage where Im supposed to cut out all unmeaningful elements in my life, all rubbish, all the bullshit that is there, but why is it so hard to let go to?? Even if the force that is begging me not to let go of bad habits and bad things is strong my determination to eliminate them is renewed because I refuse to have my life run by insignificant things, its time to change.

Re-structuring has gone on smoothly, mostly because I had an interesting conversation with my aunty yesterday and although she listened to me for hours, she rarely said anything and I discovered something interesting about myself, I am scared, very scared to do things, I dont know why but thats just the way I am. I know now that my life needed a change yesterday, but as lazy as i am i havent gotten around to doing so.
So I'm going to stop doing things for the sake of doing them
I'm going to only keep things and people in my life who are worth it
I'm going to be more cautious of what I do and who I allow myself to trust
I am going to learn to be brave and get what it is I want.need.desire.deserve.

and most of all I'm going to love those who love me because after everything thats all that really matters.

Re-inventing, this is going to be the hardest bit you see because, I have stripped myself of all the layers of protection I had all the coverings that kept me hidden and safe from everything and everyone, this is a journey I feel will take a while because I am re-discovering who I am and I hope to God I find out soon enough, right now with me so vulnerable and so many emotions running wild, so many thoughts, so many dreams, so many wants, so many needs I need to figure out a way to fit them into this new me, yes a new and improved version of me.

Even if I've been crying for the past hour, I can smile now because I know its going to be alright.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Gotta Have It!

This is specially for girls who are struggling to find their hearts and its written specially for my friend.

A quick intro into her dilemma
She's torn in between two guy's, for the purpose of this post, the ex would be called Karl (who I believe is her first love) and the current boyfriend will be called Zac.

This is her problem with karl
It's like every time i try to walk away, he keeps pulling me back. I feel like I'm forever subjected to him, his wish forever my command, my heart forever his, i can never recover it even if i tried. We have lost that spark, we can never be, i swear down, I am very sure of it. And every day i pretend we can be just friends. Yes, i deceive myself for we can never be friends, need less say, lovers. I let go of you once, just so unfortunate you had to take with you, something that belonged to me >> my heart.

This is her problem with Zac
He's everything you would want in a guy. He might not be the best looking , but he's quite a catch. He has the most beautiful soul i have ever seen . He tries to make me happy in every way possible. I might never ask for those things, but he can afford to give me whatever my heart desires, because he thinks I'm worth it. Yes, he has this aggressive desire to protect me from whatever harm comes my way. Being with him might not feel right, but it's worth the try because he is definitely worth it.

So how do you get your heart back from your first love, in all honesty you never really do. The problem I think most people have is that they want results quickly, but things cannot change till we change them.

But I would say this, when love doesn't feel right its never right, and when love feels right but its all wrong it isn't ever right. If you are not sure about your love for someone then thats not right too because you have to be sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that you trust that person only then can you say you are in love because Love and Trust are one and the same.