Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Defining Myself For Myself

Last night I had a sudden need to explain myself to someone, but I couldn't. I realised that although I am living I am yet to define myself. It is important to me to do this...
"If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten alive"- Audre Lorde

One of my favourite quotes ever. Its not an easy thing to define yourself for yourself especially when you cannot explain yourself. The quote reminds me everyday the importance of being true to yourself and expressing yourself the best way you can, ignoring the consequences.
Its important not to do things because of the fear of the consequences

Good things happen
but so do
Bad things
Deal with it
we sometimes forget that the good comes with the bad
I don't believe in shielding yourself from pain
Thats not living
and it is important to me to
not just exist but live.

I live by one rule - Love&Live, I say that to myself everyday. I think I am awesome, excuse my tone of conceitedness, actually scratch that I don't care.
Mediocre existence is not for me.
I mean how can there be so much out there and I will refuse to experience and feel all there is to experience, this is why I have a problem with people who don' t want to get heart broken; frankly it makes no sense to me.
Pain is essential to living, why? because its the opposite of love. and to have love you must have pain.
I want more than is handed to me. I need more than is handed to me.
But I digress. The point of this however, is to point out that I cannot define myself but I want to.
Its hard because I'm still searching for what is me.
I have strong opinions, but they change as I grow&learn more.
I have learnt a lot about myself this year, more than I have in the other 17years of my life

I have fears like everyone else, mine are just buried a lot deeper
I have aspirations like everbody else, they are just a lot more pronounced
I have dreams like everybody else, but unlike most mine comes with several plans
I will be a mighty big star one day, some day, some how

...eventhough it is necessary to define myself for myself, I don't have to do it right this very minute...I am still searching. So please understand when I say its not something I can explain, because I really do mean it literally.

I had a fun weekend doing nothing spent the time with my friend in nottingham, now I'm back to school totally swamped with work. I can wait for christmas but I can't wait for school to be over. I don't even know what I'm doing for christmas just yet...but I hope I do something fun. I already made a wishlist :) I'm hoping I get everything I want.

I think I should do something fun this weekend...need to de-stress, any ideas? oh that was from this weekend my girlies&i wanted to share.

&more random pics of my two favourite pairs of shoes &my friend jumai i ♥ them all

Oh and here is the first thing of my wishlist earrings, i lost my pair of gold studs so I need new ones and I can't decide on which one I like more...opinions are very welcome.
This one is a Tiffany beaded earring

&this is a tiffany notes earring