Thursday, 3 September 2009

Letting Go

“Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers."
-Audrey Hepburn

I heard my bb vibrate from underneath my pillow, I thought it was my mum with her daily 'checking up on my baby' emails.
So I ignored it for a while, angry that I'd woken up so early after all it was only 11.20 I didn't need to be up that early.

I got up layzed about the house a bit, and finally decided to read my emails..The first email I saw wasn't from was a reply to an email I had sent a million light years ago...ok that's an exaggeration it wasn't that long ago.

I read it pretty quickly, then i read it again just to be sure...

It brought back memories, memories to a time I would rather forget, memories of times when I would just sit and cry with so much pain

So I went upstairs to my room, took me a while to get there, my feet felt heavy, my heart felt weary, i was distraught, i'd been pushed back to a place where I was trying so hard to forget, I laid down and curled my self into a ball and cried...

cried till my eyes were red, cried till I had no more tears left to cry...then I thought about him

It had been a blissful couple of weeks the times we shared, it had been wonderful, I had loved and lived for our conversations...I had convinced myself that I was in love with this guy, I mean how could I not love him, he made me so happy and he was everything I wanted

But good things never last too long do they?

I read the email again...and I finally understood what she meant

Focus on yourself and your happiness, because if you don't let him go, he will be still controlling your happiness.

Funny thing is he was controlling my happiness and the sad thing is I let him do it, I mean every time I saw something about him or his girl or whatever, my heart would go all funny on me and I would hate him, then I would remember everything he said..

all the hoping and wishing for a time when we could be together, but then its like I had an epiphany, I'd been holding on to something that wasn't real anymore, holding on to false hope, and false dreams, but shit having a broken heart had to be the most emotionally damaging thing ever...

People have to be held responsible for their choices, and if he chose someone else, then he has to understand that he lost you as a result

I was coming to realise that holding out for him to somehow find his way back to me wasn't healthy, harbouring all this bad feelings towards him wasn't healthy, wishing that one day he'd catch on that I was the one for him was definitely not healthy

simply put i had to let go.

but shit wasn't easy.

still isn't

Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult

I made a promise to myself that morning, that if I was letting go, it meant no turning back.

I do not wish to erase my memories of him, rather I wish to feel all the hurt and the pain, because I know there will be such a time when this feeling will be but a distant memory, and my memories of him will be blurry.

It's really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go

p.s: i'll put the wedding pics up soon, i promise.

p.p.s: this is dedicated to anyone who is going through a hard time


  1. I can relate to this post so much
    it's unbelievable
    I'm having a hard time letting go with a guy from my past *smh*
    when I see pictures of him and his girl my heart feels all funny as well
    def not a good feeling

  2. Letting go has to be the hardest thing ever..but u're takin the steps towards gettin dere so good for you. I should learn from u. Nice one

  3. wow!! this is really good! am actually at this exact point in my life, i got my own "Message" about an hour ago! this is really good!!! :)

  4. Miss Lore,
    I love love this post...I can SO relate on so many different aspects...
    Especially love that last thing
    "It's really painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go"
    ---I always used to say this last year!
    Trust me over time it gets soooo much easier no matter how cliche that sounds...
    Great post, trust me this will inspire so many people as most can relate to stuff like this!


  5. Aww this was really heartfelt. I pray you get the strength to truly move on.. *hugs*

  6. Damn thats eactly how I was feeling and its recent too. Anytime I find someone who went throught the same thing around the same time. I treasure it its like a trinket and I'm glad I found this blog post. Thanks a lot.

  7. awwwwwww! 1st tyme here aswell....


    You will get through this. You got this!

  8. Sorry its taken me so long to reply
    @ bubbles...i know the feeling too well

    @juicegal...i hope you learn :)

    @miwa...i hope your message helps you too

    @ore...thank you :)


    @bang are welcome

    @Ebony...thanks for stopping by...and yeah i have got this

  9. first time be truthful,i find letting go of someone pretty easy..just pretend you dont care and in a couple of months you actually realise u really actually dont care.

  10. I can relate to this blog!!!

    Letting go is hard but a girl's got to do what she's got to do.

  11. SIGH!! i know this is extremely late!!! but wev al felt like this at some point...and i wnder if its possible to go thru life without a broken heart.

  12. sounds like me...thanks for that....much much better guys out there i suppose!

  13. Came here through bubble's post..
    I can certainly relate, but u just have to take a strong dose of reality and somehow move on

  14. "...was letting go, it meant no turning back." the very best mantra. However, not so easy to abide by.