Thursday, 6 September 2012

After the worst.

To say I am lost is an understatement of how I feel right now
So much on my mind all the time, my eyes just swell up
with tears, and I'm never sure of why the tears fall, never sure

On this blog time and time again, I have said heartbreaks don't keep me down
I believe our hearts are supposed to break, if not then you've probably never
loved.

Well I don did it again, went and gave my heart to someone I'm still not
sure deserved it. Months and months later I'm not sure if I'm better off
or I am stagnant emotionally.

For the first time ever, I am scared to let my heart go again, I am becoming
weary of who I give it to, I don't know if my heart can take anymore
bruising, or if there's anything left to break.

I am not proud of a lot of the choices I've made, but for some reason,
in all the wrongs, this felt so right.

All I really want to know is why things fall/fell apart, sometimes closure is all you
ever really need to be able to move on. To be denied this is probably more cruel
than death. Its hard to accept you've lost something when you keep it
alive in your mind everyday. You're probably aware its unhealthy,
but you do it anyways.

That wandering thinking thing that you do, always rehearsing shit in your
mind tryna figure out why it didn't go the way you wanted it, wondering
if it could ever be/what could have been.

That hope is the killer.

I hate that emotions are fickle and fleeting.I hate that some have this ability to
turn it off at a moments notice, maybe its an art that has taken years to perfect
or maybe its inscribed in their DNA.Who knows?
What I do know is that somehow I've been (un)fortunate
not to possess this ability.

Life is a bitch, Love is worse.




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