wooooosahhhhhhhh!!!

the title is wosaaaah because today was theraputic.

before i start, i want to say thank you to the wonderful people in my life. and no this does not include any member of my family because they are pissing me off atm, yes everyone single one of them. this is directed at one of the most wonderful friends in the world..luu, she really is an amazing person and im so happy that i have her in my life. i love her too much even when she shouts at me lol i still love her, she's been a rock for some time now, so yeah im basically saying thank you for being there. and to uzo, thank you for listening to all my ramblings and frustrations and weird reasonings and questions and rationalising things with me.

so today was an amazing day, i had the bestest time with my girlies (nixx and mel), we went camden and i discovered an amazing up &coming japanese designer, he sells great tshirts and i fell in love with lace in this real pretty japanese lady's store.

so lately i've been reading about Japan...a lot and it's so amazing, im planning a holiday there soon, their art, culture, fashion oh the fashion is soo amazing. i wont digress too much.

anyone who reads this blog will know that i have been fighting some serious inner battles lately, and i will tell you this shit hasn't been easy lol, but im happy now, like i've had this stupid smile on my face all day its ridiculous.

i love learning, i learn from everything, people, experiences, places, food, anything i learn from it. so when shit like this happens i take it as a learning experience. i see it as a chance for me to grow and for me to be a better person.

i'm not sure i want to talk about the reason for the hurt, but someone hurt me really badly and as luu will say "theres no harm in making mistakes" lol. im starting to believe that, i think im starting to enjoy the mistakes i've made in my life, because you see i'm a very stubborn person and i guess i have to experience something to truly learn from it. i am very inquisitive, i wont stop till i get the answers i want/need so i guess thats the reason for this.

trying to get answers to why my heart was crumbling was the reason for the battles, i tried to understand logically what had happend, i wanted to know when things changed, i wanted to know how they changed without me realising, i just wanted answers and i got them, last night lol

i was supposed to come back to talk to luu last night but i had dishes to wash and then i started thinking about stuff and then i got carried away talking to my cuzzy and somehow i slept, sorry for leaving you hanging yesterday luu lol.

so i realised that it all went wrong because i had only listened. words. i have learnt that words can't do shit for me and i dont like them. i really honestly don't like words, i need to see you do what you say you mean. i need to stop listening and start seeing &feeling.

words are empty, if you want me to believe you, i need to feel what you are saying.
don't tell me things you think i want to hear, its not a nice thing. i prefer raw unadulterated honesty i can handle it.

i'm not completely healed, but im getting there.