I'm not going to Lagos, so I'm sad. I don't know why mother wants to stay here for Christmas its so boring. Its snowing which makes everything worse. I've been home for like four days and all I've done is stay in bed and watch glee.
I did go to see Law Abiding Citizen with my friend the other day, awesome movie. And we had nando's after..yummy :) I heart everything chicken.
I have nothing to blog about. I just wanted to rant about how shitty my holiday has been. Did I neglect to mention that I love twitter? omg! twitter is the best, after my phone of course. Twitter allows me to blow off steam so I have no reason to blog smh. I do have some drafts, I'm just not sure I'm willing to post them...yet. I may change my mind.
My friend asked me what was the use of a boyfriend? and I have to admit that question got me thinking. I haven't got an answer yet but when I do, I'll be sure to come back and tell.
Here are some random pics off my phone.
That was my dinner one day, didn't turn out as planned.
Did I mention that I make the best indomie ever?
My friend sent me that the other day, BEWARE GUYS!
Last night I had a sudden need to explain myself to someone, but I couldn't. I realised that although I am living I am yet to define myself. It is important to me to do this...
"If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other's fantasies of you and eaten alive"- Audre Lorde
One of my favourite quotes ever. Its not an easy thing to define yourself for yourself especially when you cannot explain yourself. The quote reminds me everyday the importance of being true to yourself and expressing yourself the best way you can, ignoring the consequences.
Its important not to do things because of the fear of the consequences
Good things happen
but so do
Bad things
Deal with it we sometimes forget that the good comes with the bad
I don't believe in shielding yourself from pain
Thats not living
and it is important to me to
Live
not just exist but live.
I live by one rule - Love&Live, I say that to myself everyday. I think I am awesome, excuse my tone of conceitedness, actually scratch that I don't care.
Mediocre existence is not for me.
I mean how can there be so much out there and I will refuse to experience and feel all there is to experience, this is why I have a problem with people who don' t want to get heart broken; frankly it makes no sense to me.
Pain is essential to living, why? because its the opposite of love. and to have love you must have pain.
I want more than is handed to me. I need more than is handed to me.
But I digress. The point of this however, is to point out that I cannot define myself but I want to.
Its hard because I'm still searching for what is me.
I have strong opinions, but they change as I grow&learn more.
I have learnt a lot about myself this year, more than I have in the other 17years of my life
I have fears like everyone else, mine are just buried a lot deeper
I have aspirations like everbody else, they are just a lot more pronounced
I have dreams like everybody else, but unlike most mine comes with several plans
I will be a mighty big star one day, some day, some how
...eventhough it is necessary to define myself for myself, I don't have to do it right this very minute...I am still searching. So please understand when I say its not something I can explain, because I really do mean it literally.
I had a fun weekend doing nothing spent the time with my friend in nottingham, now I'm back to school totally swamped with work. I can wait for christmas but I can't wait for school to be over. I don't even know what I'm doing for christmas just yet...but I hope I do something fun. I already made a wishlist :) I'm hoping I get everything I want.
I think I should do something fun this weekend...need to de-stress, any ideas? oh that was from this weekend my girlies&i wanted to share.
&more random pics of my two favourite pairs of shoes &my friend jumai i ♥them all
Oh and here is the first thing of my wishlist earrings, i lost my pair of gold studs so I need new ones and I can't decide on which one I like more...opinions are very welcome.
“Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers." -Audrey Hepburn
I heard my bb vibrate from underneath my pillow, I thought it was my mum with her daily 'checking up on my baby' emails. So I ignored it for a while, angry that I'd woken up so early after all it was only 11.20 I didn't need to be up that early.
I got up layzed about the house a bit, and finally decided to read my emails..The first email I saw wasn't from mother....it was a reply to an email I had sent a million light years ago...ok that's an exaggeration it wasn't that long ago.
I read it pretty quickly, then i read it again just to be sure...
It brought back memories, memories to a time I would rather forget, memories of times when I would just sit and cry with so much pain
So I went upstairs to my room, took me a while to get there, my feet felt heavy, my heart felt weary, i was distraught, i'd been pushed back to a place where I was trying so hard to forget, I laid down and curled my self into a ball and cried...
cried till my eyes were red, cried till I had no more tears left to cry...then I thought about him
It had been a blissful couple of weeks the times we shared, it had been wonderful, I had loved and lived for our conversations...I had convinced myself that I was in love with this guy, I mean how could I not love him, he made me so happy and he was everything I wanted
But good things never last too long do they?
I read the email again...and I finally understood what she meant
Focus on yourself and your happiness, because if you don't let him go, he will be still controlling your happiness.
Funny thing is he was controlling my happiness and the sad thing is I let him do it, I mean every time I saw something about him or his girl or whatever, my heart would go all funny on me and I would hate him, then I would remember everything he said..
all the hoping and wishing for a time when we could be together, but then its like I had an epiphany, I'd been holding on to something that wasn't real anymore, holding on to false hope, and false dreams, but shit having a broken heart had to be the most emotionally damaging thing ever...
People have to be held responsible for their choices, and if he chose someone else, then he has to understand that he lost you as a result
I was coming to realise that holding out for him to somehow find his way back to me wasn't healthy, harbouring all this bad feelings towards him wasn't healthy, wishing that one day he'd catch on that I was the one for him was definitely not healthy
simply put i had to let go.
but shit wasn't easy.
still isn't
Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult
I made a promise to myself that morning, that if I was letting go, it meant no turning back.
I do not wish to erase my memories of him, rather I wish to feel all the hurt and the pain, because I know there will be such a time when this feeling will be but a distant memory, and my memories of him will be blurry.
It's really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go
p.s: i'll put the wedding pics up soon, i promise.
p.p.s: this is dedicated to anyone who is going through a hard time
I'm not a big fan of D & G, to be honest I'd actually prefer to stay away from them. But this is an exception. I'm in love with all things sexy and this caught my attention.
I was in front of the train station one day and a bus went past with this D & G ad
Its the ad campaign for D&G's Fragrance Anthologywith some 90's supermodels - Naomi Campbell, Eva Herzigova, Claudia Schiffer and some younger male models (who if I might add are extremely hot) Fernando Fernandes, Noah Mills and Tyson Ballou in the ads for their new fragrance shot by Mario Testino.
These ad's are really sexy and for someone like me it could really make me fall in love with D&G - I like the simplicity and sexiness - its almost divine.
The fragrances are unisex, they've already been launched in america but there's a global launch set for September...I can't wait to try them out. To add a mysterious twist on things, the names for the five scents were inspired by tarot cards - Le Bateleur 1, L’Imperatrice 3, L’Amoreaux 6, La Roue de la Fortune 10, and La Lune 18.
I haven't been here in a while, I've just been super busy sorting out my uni stuff and I've been travelling a lot lately. First off, yours truly as luu would say is now a big girl lol...I AM OFFICIALLY A UNI STUDENT lol like I have an ID number and a dorm room and everything.
I am super duper excited.
but....
I'm not sure I want to study economics and politics anymore now :( like I saw the modules I have to study and I am scared of the maths in economics lol and somehow politics has just lost its appeal.
the only reason I was going to study both was because I really enjoyed economics at A levels and I've just always been fascinated and interested by politics...I am not looking to get a career out of either because I want to do PR lol but don't ask why I'm not studying something like journalism.
i'm scared of maths because I really don't like it, like I can do it, force myself to get through and get good grades but I honestly don't enjoy studying it...me and numbers, well we just don't flow...and I haven't done maths in 2 yrs.....like wtf am I going to do??
reason I didn't pick media or journalism is because i felt it was too restrictive, i wanted something versatile something that would allow me do most things and i'm not sure studying media or journalism would allow me to do that.
when i graduate I wanna do PR...mostly fashion PR like runway shows etc or work in a magazine...(because some day I want to own my own)...so thats the dream.
so what should I do people? do I change to do something like media and communications, journalism etc. (where i know i would really enjoy studying it)..or just stick it out...
plus people have been putting me off you know, saying I'm crazy to be doing combined honours...but whatever.
i'm just uber confused, help me somebody, please.
yeah so i'm going uni shopping soon im super excited i can't wait.
and the best part peoples is that IM MOVING away lol to a whole new city....so excited...but I'm gonna miss London tho.
so i just wanted to come say hey to ppl's and i did promise a proper post last time right?...forgive me, I will post something soon.
First off I want to say thank you to people who actually read my blog lol...I don't know what this blog is about anymore...it started off with me posting what I found fascinating about fashion but now its just me and my scattered thoughts.
Yeah and since I broke my phone and fixed it (I actually fixed it myself) I lost all my bbm contacts :( and I'm always looking to make new friends so add me if you want PIN: 2101DE8C
Btw to anyone who has a bb did that 5.0 thing mess up your phone because it seriously fucked mine over.
Oh yes I was watching the news this morning lol and apparently the french people are tired of people dealing in the fake designer industry lol. So in France selling/carrying a fake designer handbag is a white collar crime and you could pay a fine if they catch yo, lol apparently fakes might kill you..ohh and it includes everything - fake PSP's, football shirts etc
LMAO imagine if they did that in Lagos....govt revenue will definitely go up
I promise to post something on here tonight I just need to get the pictures first.
First off results are out tomorrow and everyone is irritating me with the way they are all stressing, I refuse to stress and when I say this to people all they say is oh its cause ur smart u have nothing to worry about...smh
ok so maybe I am smart and I get really good grades BUT I did fuck up my IT exam...I don't like that subject so I'm not sure I did that great but no worries....I don't see the point of stressing it wont change the result so why bother.
Anyways the reason I'm here today is because I just read this http://www.vanguardngr.com/2009/08/14/boko-haram-ressurects-declares-total-jihad/
thats seriously disturbing shit....lol I never knew people like this existed outside of Arab nations *no offence to the Arabs*
what bothered me about what this sect is saying is the part about bombing Lagos lol please oh don't bomb my lovely smelly city I mean I love that place and it is already so chaotic as it is.
I don't get their beef with Lagos tho what has the city done to them.??
I don't like people who always have the idea that they can change the world, they are all very foolish...and the govt. better do something because I want to go to Lagos for christmas lol.
Anyways thats why I came on here I thought it would be good for people to read this crazy talk.
The people seem to have an issue with other tribes especially the yoruba people, whats up with that?
This begs the question why are nigerians generally so tribalist??? thats what my next post is going to be about.
thats the only part of my brothers wedding i paid attention to, i was really tired you see i hadn't slept the night before so i was struggling to keep awake
but that woke me up. i mean that is a vow, it's not SUPPOSED to be broken, but we do anyways - lately i've been thinking about why people even bother to get married.
my brother who just got married - him and his wife - they've been together something close to 9yrs - practically live together - they are in love - what difference will a piece of paper make?
i honestly don't get it, i want to get married - eventually lol - but i think its more to do with the fact i get to wear that oscar de la renta wedding dress i want so bad and i get to have a traditional wedding in a cathederal (thats what i want) - it has nothing to do with wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone - at least for now thats what i think.
i'm not so religious so i don't really know the bible that well, but from what i know, i know that once you're married you are not supposed to get divorced and if you do, you can't get married again because that adultery - well at least thats what someone told me.
but what if your husband beats you, are u supposed to stick with him? or are you supposed to leave...if you leave does that mean you can't find someone else? my cousin says pray - i think don't give me that bullshit - like i know praying is good and it helps - but i mean beating on you thats a real bad situation - and what if the situation doesn't change?
but on the other hand, i believe God can do anything, so he won't let you marry someone who will beat on you, but what if he let the man beat on you to tell that you are in a bad situation and you need to leave...
i hope you get it.
but really why do we even bother to get married? we don't need to wait for marriage to have sex, its legal from when you are 16 - at least thats what the law says - you don't need to get married to live together - you don't need to be married to have a kid anymore - i mean 13 year olds have kids - you don't need both parents to raise a kid - shout out to all single mum's and dad's
so is it just ANOTHER formality?
at my sis in law's bridal shower, everyone kept saying someting about being 'ripe for marriage' or the right age to be married - that made me laugh - i figured its not about finding someone you want to spend your life with, its about being at an age when you should be married?
really what is the essence of marriage??
i hope when i do get married - (i really want to wear that wedding dress) - it will be because i have actually find someone i want to spend the rest of my life with -not really because of the dress.
i'm back to the rainy country -sadly - i miss lagos. i can't wait to go back christmas.
so i'm in lagos and i've been so busy its ridiculous, my mum has me doing cartwheels for her running around everywhere. every morning when i wake up its 'ehen u have to go with mr k to give this to mrs something for me' or 'you have to go and give this aso oke to another mrs something', like the woman is a nutter, she's driving me crazy.
the party was great from last Saturday, i think i had too much fun tho, but it wasn't really my fault like my boss (shout out to A) said i didn't have to work (i was supposed to be in charge of the charity stuff etc) he said 'just have fun, i'm sure you would rather do that. lol so i made friends with the bartenders and they kept me occupied the whole night, but i paid for it, we had to keep stopping on the way home so i could puke lol - pretty gross, i know.
you know when you are away from lagos and you miss it and you can't wait to come back, but once you are out here the traffic, bad roads, no light, the heat, everything just hits you and you are like what the hell was i thinking, but that's why we love lagos init? its such a funny place so much happening.
so i'm getting real excited about the wedding now, everyone is here so the house is packed, but i love love it, we are actually spending family time, talking and harassing each other, i never knew i missed my brothers this much.
so earlier today me and my brothers where all talking about stuff and reminiscing about old times and it made me realise how much i should appreciate my family.
they are the most annoying people on earth, they make you so mad you might have to be put in a loony bin, but that's why you love them, because after all the madness they are the ones you lean on and love. they are the ones who will love you even if you become a murderer, they are the ones who know your most embarrassing moments but still love you because of who you are. they are the ones who support you no matter what, they are the ones who make you laugh the most and who make you cry. they are the ones who understand your weaknesses and call you out on your bs, they are the ones will love you even if they don't understand you. they are the ones who will love you unconditionally.
so hold on to them tight, keep them close, appreciate them, don't wait till its a special occasion to get together.
most importantly, love them with no reservation, hold nothing back, let them see the real you so they can love you more, and when they don't act like they love you, love them even more. its the best feeling in the world.
p.s: how is everyone doing?? i hope your week is going great.
p.p.s: there is no light in lagos, so if u are coming be prepared, oh and its raining here - a lot- i thought i left all the stupid rain in london, but i guessed wrong.
i just feel the need to blog this morning, i have a couple of things i want to say but i can't be bothered to finish the posts just yet.
i've been really ill, in fact violently ill this past couple of days - i had swine flu - yuuup i know sad init. and my family locked me up in a room they didn't want to risk contamination from me, very sad people, so yesterday i finally saw the outside world yaay by that i mean i actually went downstairs after like 3 and a half days holed up in my room. it was heaven lol (did i tell you the house is getting redocorated?) well so they finished the living rooms its all pretty and i played boxing on the wii and it felt greaaaaaaaaaaat i am almost pro at boxing now wooop woooop its really cool because i suck at every game except the sims
oh yes i did some pilates with my cousin. it was painful i didn't realise i was so unfit its insane.
anyways been on my own for those days i realised what prisoners must be going through it was terror insane inhumane treatment, ok so maybe i slept for the most part, listened to music etc then i think on monday i could actually talk on the phone and go on msn..i appreciate people even more now.
so i thought about a lot of random stuff:
i thought about dying, i was scared and my mum wasn't helping matters she was majorly freaking out, she's in lagos atm so she was on the phone every second is my baby ok etc? i think she felt worse than i did. i love you mum.
i thought about aliens, yes i believe there are aliens i am 100% convinced that we are not the only life forms in the galaxy, i mean really i'm not joking, i also believe somehow they have invaded our planets; many people seeing UFO's has to mean something right? then we have people like Janelle Monaé that girl is straight up freaky weird strange all rolled into one but starngely dope lol i like her but i still know she's an alien in human form.
does anyone else believe this?? or is it just one of the strange things being ill does to you??
so im heading off to lagos on sunday, im really excited maybe this shitty holiday will get better, i spoke to my mum last night, she said i just want you to be 100% when u come back and i got this weird feeling with the way she said it its like she wants us to actually hang out and go crazy over this wedding - my bro is getting married btw - lol i just hope she realises i don't plan on being at home much.
did i forget to mention i'm going to this party on sat, its called icecapade - i hope it turns out good ok so its not really a party for me - i intern for the guy throwing it so more like work - but if anyone wants to come holla - i dunno if tickets are still on sale but whatever.
hope everyone has had a fabulous week so far, and if u haven't well its just weds i think so make the rest count.
but make sure you have a nucleeeeeear weekend, because i plan to. (shout out to cc for that word, she's so fucking awesome for that word)
