Currently listening to some Bob Marley playlist on youtube. It's a really nice day out today in Swindon. Hiiiii, blog. I haven't been here in a while. I guess my long absence is a true testament to my inability coherently articulate my innermost feelings in a way that others can appreciate the true values of my intentions. Lol, Dee Dee just came in "young lady what are you smoking!?" and I just smiled sheepishly. Oh well, yes so back to where I was. Man Bob Marley is a man after my heart.
Intentions, one value I hold most dearly and struggle most with is honesty. I want to be the most honest I can be. The most pure-hearted. I want to mean what I say, say what I mean. A clear tunnel vision from my mouth straight to my heart. That is who I want to be most when I write. I love my twenties guys! Currently, you know I am growing in every sense of the word. My mind continues to expand as I find answers to my never ending questions. I was deeply influenced by Solomon's prayer for wisdom, knowledge and understanding above all else. I have prayed for this since I was young, and I honestly do see God's work in giving me that. I ask a lot of questions. My attitude towards life is always curious. A very curious person. And I can see how from my young age, this has grown into who I am today. God is really awesome you know; I am just glad to be a part of his story. I love history. I love knowing about all that went on before and how that affects us today, because it does. The number one lesson the Bible teaches is that history always repeats itself, but humans never learn.
I remember the time when I wrote a letter to Obasanjo about agricultural reforms as the way to bring prosperity to Nigeria. I know right, what the hell did an eleven-year-old know? I begged my dad to give the President the letter when he went back to Abuja. Of course, he didn't. In my young mind, I already knew that there was a big vacuum between the leadership and the people. My mum is big on education. She would support you to be anything you want to be as far as you prove to her you want it. She's a fighter. She never gives up and more importantly, she will always seek to speak to truth and do what's right in her eyes and heart in accordance to, the Will of God. Of course, she is a big influence and Mum formed the core of my character. I don't think I could ever express my deep gratitude for teaching me about God's love. More and more I find my questions border on what God wants me to do and what will make Nigeria better. The two questions are the same to me. I know it sounds weird, but I love Nigeria, I SEE HER BEING GREAT. I feel it my bones, in my heart. And I think about it. Every. Day. I read about it. I know it will be great. Can't be asking these questions for nothing.
Identity is a more accurate description of what the two questions are. Who am I? and What will I do for Nigeria? This is the question I am going to answer in my twenties. Right now, I am in the best school in the world (I am biased, I don't care) and I am trying to write about identity in Nigeria. I am hoping I take this question with me to Columbia U. But right, now I am more focused on this thesis (which is what I should be doing right now, instead of blogging. But I am, because procrastination is my middle name, weed totally imbibes that too, stay away from it guys!). I hope my answers are interesting, still waiting to see what exactly I find. I like big, particular, specific, direct questions that provide solutions to important problems. I want my honest answers to fill the vacuum. I want to speak for those who can't articulate themselves. I feel it is my duty because its the only thing I know how to do. Please do give a round of applause, to King's College London - (Don't you dare change this name. This is like that horrific MUALAG/UNILAG debacle, God forbid!) - they breed a brand of people called radicals and I love it and I need it and I knew I would be here and I am making the most of it, trust me.
Bob Marley understood the Identity problem I think. Wish more people sang about it. It gets olds vibing to only one guy. Important things I have learnt in my twenties so far. On who I am? Still trying to understand who God is on that. Born in Africa. I have been trying to read about my ancestors; it's so hard finding things about our pre-colonial Africa. Everything is some else's interpretation, and you have to do the double work of deciphering - kill me!
I do not like the Eurovision of African, but I get ir and it has value. Though it is helps to kill our identity. It frustrates and makes me angry. Which of course only makes me want to find an answer to who I am. On what I am to do? For now, I just want to travel light around cities I really want to see and stay a couple months, work and meet people. I love meeting people. I love learning and having a great time with people. It gives me great joy, but I also see how it is selfishly motivated, You see, I am inherently introspective (trust me, weed makes it worse, so stay away from it lest you be an anti-social bum-hole, (I'm looking in the mirror, don't mind the harsh words) - so I like to think and people just happen to be what interested him at the moment. I have Porto-Novo, Dakar, Cape Town and Nairobi on my list in case anyone is hiring.
I am amazed at how much I've grown internally in my absence. Mama sees the difference. I love that with history you can connect dots. See trends. Predict what will happen. The downside is you quickly realise the human race and possibly the earth doomed. The question is how long? Like Chomsky says: Future people reading about us will be amazed at how stupid, selfish, inconsiderate, self-centered and wasteful we are. It's exactly what Jesus warns us about and tries to give us the internal changes we need to rid ourselves of this. We should love everybody. Nothing makes you better than anybody. We are all part of a big story. We should do our best to leave something others can use to write better stories. It's sad Europeans have the dominant narrative of Africa. It makes Stand Up and Fighting for our rights more relevant than just a reggae song. You mustn't let someone else write your story. Your story is who you are, what your identity is and if someone else writes it then who are you?
In Nigeria, you see how we have been unable to answer this for a 100 years. It kills me because sometimes we kill and hurt each other even though we are all suffering the same fate. I want to answer this question. I want my people to stop fighting, put an end to it once and for all. That's what I plan to do. I love to dream. You are who you think you are. When I was a little girl, I played alone a lot, because my four brothers are like a gazillion years older. I always dreamed that I would be something relevant, but only for the right reasons. Seriously, at that point in my life, young guys who did revolutionary thing gave me life. I think it has something to do with reading Idi Amin's biography over a 100 times. I love Africa. One day we would be who we were born to be.
Now I must return to my tea and thesis. Youtube Bob Marley, the first playlist is really awesome.
Live, Love and Learn