sometimes i wonder why we act with so much caution, why do we think before we act, why we always want to act right, do what's right, try to avoid mistakes, take minimal risks...
and i'm not entirely sure why we act this way...
is it to avoid problems, is it to make sure that we don't go off the rails, is it to avoid getting hurt
but no matter what we do, we will still have problems, might still go off the rails, will still get hurt
its my birthday soon. and i'm not as excited as i should be. i'm getting older and people around me keep going on about it, then i realise i haven't done anything with my life, i've experienced very little.
i act with so much caution, keep myself safe, live only in my comfort zone because i refuse to allow myself feel so vulnerable. i like feeling safe. i can go only so far and then hold myself back, keep parts of me hidden.
keep muttering to myself...hold back, just a little.
i want to experience more, do more with myself.
being safe has made me lose things i wasn't ready to give up on
its made me not have what i want sometimes
i want a kind of care free life you know
going with the flow kind of thing
take more risks, keep my eyes closed and do things
not thinking about the consequences
we only get one life.
and i want to live it.